Little Sister

She’s always been prettier than me,

for as long as I can remember.

I envied her so

not only because of her beauty,

but also because of her ability

to capture everyone’s heart.

She doesn’t even have to try,

everything seems to come her way

on free will.

Me on the other hand,

always had to bust my ass off

to get that kind of attention.

For some odd reason,

love to her came for free;

when it came to me

everything always had a price.

Nothing was EVER free.

I envied her.

My little sister.

The one person in the world

I vowed to protect and love with all my heart.

My best friend

My one true love…

Then it hits me,

and I ask myself “who is she?”

She’s my sister.

Growing up, the competition between

my little sister and I was irrelevant

especially when I’m no match to begin with.

Then I look past that,

all of it…

She was the one person in the world who

had always kept me from giving up.

The thought of protecting her

and making sure she has someone to look up to

was very important to me.

The thought of her.

My baby sister.

My best friend.

My one true love.

Just the thought of her can make

me stronger, aiming for even higher heights.

In the past I have envied her,

but you can’t give all the love that you have

to someone you envy now, can you?

I had both.

I made a choice.

It was either her, or my envy.

I chose…….

My one true love(:

Cold One

I’m not an emotional type of person

so when it comes to making decisions

I always use my head.

I guess it’s fair to say that after all the

numbing I’ve done all these years,

my heart froze due to the cold

I myself have put it through.

Those around me sometimes wonder

if I am even capable of feeling things,

such as love.

Somehow they always seem to manage

seeing through the ice glass surrounding

this heart of mine,

that what exist within is merely

anger and rage.

I don’t have to say a word

because even when I have on the biggest smile

or manage looking like the happiest

living being alive, my aura says otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong….

I am capable of love,

but it’s quite different from your point of view.

You see,

the kind of love I am capable of giving

won’t keep you warm,

it won’t fill in gaps in your life either.

The kind of love I am capable of giving

is holding out my hand

along with a promise to never let go

until all is well.

I cannot give a piece of my heart,

not anymore –

there’s just too much missing pieces

that I have given freely in the past

only to have those who already had a piece

come back for more.

Leaving me shattered with no choice

but to save the remaining pieces for myself.

Don’t worry

in time this heart of mine shall heal

and I will no longer be referred to

as the Cold One.

I want… I need…

“I’ll give you my car.”

“I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

“I’ll get it for you, no matter the cost.”

“What do you want?”

– Mom

“You. I Need You.”

” Your Unconditional Love.”

“That’s what I want.”

“That’s what I need.”

“That’s what I’m craving.”

– Me

 

Confession

How do you get over a heart break?

Dealing with all the heart ache?

Convinced myself that I

completely moved on,

but in reality I only forced

the idea inside this head of mine.

The love that I once had for you

no longer exist, and it’ll stay that way tomorrow too.

Yet I failed to acknowledge

that I’m still broken within,

scarred inside, deep down below.

Straight up to the core,

where you’ll find my roots.

How do you deal with all the pain?

When everything is built through anger and rage?

The Last Scene

She’s reminiscing,

going through flashbacks;

Searching for the right scene

that already passed her by.

More likely the last part,

it wasn’t really good bye

but it was the moment 

when betrayal began;

And another promise made 

was broken into pieces.

Vanishes in midair

before she realized it,

unable to grasp it all 

within her very palm…..

Right before her eyes.