Little Sister

She’s always been prettier than me,

for as long as I can remember.

I envied her so

not only because of her beauty,

but also because of her ability

to capture everyone’s heart.

She doesn’t even have to try,

everything seems to come her way

on free will.

Me on the other hand,

always had to bust my ass off

to get that kind of attention.

For some odd reason,

love to her came for free;

when it came to me

everything always had a price.

Nothing was EVER free.

I envied her.

My little sister.

The one person in the world

I vowed to protect and love with all my heart.

My best friend

My one true love…

Then it hits me,

and I ask myself “who is she?”

She’s my sister.

Growing up, the competition between

my little sister and I was irrelevant

especially when I’m no match to begin with.

Then I look past that,

all of it…

She was the one person in the world who

had always kept me from giving up.

The thought of protecting her

and making sure she has someone to look up to

was very important to me.

The thought of her.

My baby sister.

My best friend.

My one true love.

Just the thought of her can make

me stronger, aiming for even higher heights.

In the past I have envied her,

but you can’t give all the love that you have

to someone you envy now, can you?

I had both.

I made a choice.

It was either her, or my envy.

I chose…….

My one true love(:

I want… I need…

“I’ll give you my car.”

“I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

“I’ll get it for you, no matter the cost.”

“What do you want?”

– Mom

“You. I Need You.”

” Your Unconditional Love.”

“That’s what I want.”

“That’s what I need.”

“That’s what I’m craving.”

– Me

 

Midnight Calling

I myself wonder sometimes…

Why do I lie awake at one am staring blankly at the ceiling,

Why I watch every shadow of each passing car from the blinds of my window.

Surely I’m not the only one who feels as if the darkness brings comfort as it stays wrapped around me.

And the fact that every night I become more and more numb of the thought

“they understand”.

I’m not this way though, it really does occur only late around the same time every night.

It’s as if midnight calls my name to stay awake and wait another hour

until all my thoughts and emotions gets all jumbled up.

Where at one am I would start crying and ask questions by whispering them in midair

then at eight am I feel pathetic for even having such thoughts…

It happens to all of us though, we get some sort of calling, a reminder

that we are actually capable of feeling everything but at the same time become numb.

I guess it’s just a natural thing for us all,

to remind us that we’re alive and we all have the right to feel pain.