Cold One

I’m not an emotional type of person

so when it comes to making decisions

I always use my head.

I guess it’s fair to say that after all the

numbing I’ve done all these years,

my heart froze due to the cold

I myself have put it through.

Those around me sometimes wonder

if I am even capable of feeling things,

such as love.

Somehow they always seem to manage

seeing through the ice glass surrounding

this heart of mine,

that what exist within is merely

anger and rage.

I don’t have to say a word

because even when I have on the biggest smile

or manage looking like the happiest

living being alive, my aura says otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong….

I am capable of love,

but it’s quite different from your point of view.

You see,

the kind of love I am capable of giving

won’t keep you warm,

it won’t fill in gaps in your life either.

The kind of love I am capable of giving

is holding out my hand

along with a promise to never let go

until all is well.

I cannot give a piece of my heart,

not anymore –

there’s just too much missing pieces

that I have given freely in the past

only to have those who already had a piece

come back for more.

Leaving me shattered with no choice

but to save the remaining pieces for myself.

Don’t worry

in time this heart of mine shall heal

and I will no longer be referred to

as the Cold One.

Making Momma Proud

Mom.

My entire life, it’s always been about making you proud.

Pushing my limits, doing it all for you.

Stayed in school, free from drugs and alcohol

stayed on track, kept my grades high

pursued being the best passing everyone by.

Yet you don’t seem to notice any of it…

None of it seems to matter to you,

I didn’t just see it in your eyes but felt it.

It hurts. It really does.

I’m in college now, Mom.

Did it all on my own, without your help nor support.

It’s kind of sad because to this very day,

I’m still doing my best hoping that someday

you’ll realize I was one hell of a daughter.

The kind that never gave up on her mother,

and did her best out of every thing just to hear the praise:

“I’m Proud of You!”

All or Nothing

I gave my all, whatever I can, the best I could…..

But none of it was enough,

it was as if the more I try to please your desires

the more the situation worsened.

To the point where I lost faith in myself,

stopped hoping for a better future,

was ashamed of myself and the life that I had.

Lost confidence in myself,

yet you’d see me walking around with this infectious grin

displayed upon my face –

I’ve been told by many how much they envy me,

that surely I was living this fairy tale sort of life

because my aura radiated bright enough to encourage those around me

to want to live a happy and positive life no matter what

obstacle gets in the way.

Knowing that I was able to help others cope with

whatever it was they were going though gave me enough courage and happiness

to live through the day.

Whether I feel like dying or stop from trying…..

I still continue to move forward,

because what’s important is I make it through the day.

After all, a storm doesn’t last forever,

the sun will come out eventually,

Ironic Friendship

Don’t look me in the eye

and call me a great friend,

when all you do behind my back

is talk nonsense and makeup lies.

Don’t look me in the eye

and deny that you’re lying,

when you know I can see through

that thick wall you’ve built.

Don’t look me in the eye

and tell me deep dark secrets,

knowing I’m the last one to know

simply makes you look pathetic.

INSPIRATION

I’ve been stepped on.

Pushed down. Called names.

But I didn’t let anything or anyone  

keep me from reaching my goals in life,

and dreams that I long so lived for.

Instead I use the negativism being thrown my way

as an inspiration by turning it into 

something positive and worth my precious time.

LABELS

Fat. Skinny. Tall. Short. Weird. Creep. Popular. Gay. Nerd.

We live in a world filled with labels.

Calling one another names,

stabbing friends behind the back.

Stealing his girls, stealing her man, what the hell is wrong

with the society we live in today?

Why can’t we just love and accept each other?

I’ll tell you why….

because people nowadays can’t even accept

who they really are,

don’t expect so much more.

Let’s get rid of the labels, take em off and toss em aside.

Each and every individual is amazing

in his/her very own way.

Smile more often and ditch the duck face.

Unwashed Flesh

I was sitting across someone

when a foul and horrid stench

seemingly attacked me from beyond.

I looked at the person

and disguised my disgust

with a warm and pleasant smile.

In return, what I got was a smile as well –

but had to quickly look away.

I tried to cover it,

even denied with full commitment

How can I ignore such a scent

when it’s waving fingers all over my face?

When the stranger was gone

fresh air struck by fast.

I felt free and relaxed for there was no more cry

of an unwashed flesh!!!