Momentum

I keep things from the past

like a picture or sticky note of some sort,

to remind myself on a daily basis

how far I’ve come…..

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The Last Scene

She’s reminiscing,

going through flashbacks;

Searching for the right scene

that already passed her by.

More likely the last part,

it wasn’t really good bye

but it was the moment 

when betrayal began;

And another promise made 

was broken into pieces.

Vanishes in midair

before she realized it,

unable to grasp it all 

within her very palm…..

Right before her eyes.

A Daughter’s Defiance

My mother and I don’t really get along.

She claims that it’s my pride taking over, making a complicated situation even more serious than it already is.

She’d tell me I’m selfish, that I don’t really care about anyone but myself.

Not a single damn given to anybody.

Selfish.

Yes. That’s what she calls me all the time.

She goes around spreading rumors, acting as if she’s being victimized by being forced to live with such an ungrateful child.

Okay.

I get it, I’m the bad guy….

But there’s always two sides of the story.

There is always a detail that gets left unmentioned, just to get the right amount of attention.

You want to hear my part of the story? My side?

Well, here it is.

Pride. Yes, I do have pride, and that is to defend my dignity because it’s the only thing I have left.

Selfish. No, I am not selfish, I’m only looking out for myself. Something that my own mother was incapable of doing due to the love she has to her precious husband. My stepfather. I have to love myself, because if I don’t then who will? I can’t expect anything from her, from someone who can’t even tell me “I love you” coming from the heart.

Ungrateful? No. I made a choice to stop pretending that everything is okay. I made a choice that it’s okay to not be okay, and I would rather cry in front of an audience than to force a smile that makes me want to to punch myself in the gut.

As for the rumors, the lies, the uncompleted side of her story…

Well, she just can’t accept the fact that her own daughter defies her wish to impress the world by living a lie.

Midnight Calling

I myself wonder sometimes…

Why do I lie awake at one am staring blankly at the ceiling,

Why I watch every shadow of each passing car from the blinds of my window.

Surely I’m not the only one who feels as if the darkness brings comfort as it stays wrapped around me.

And the fact that every night I become more and more numb of the thought

“they understand”.

I’m not this way though, it really does occur only late around the same time every night.

It’s as if midnight calls my name to stay awake and wait another hour

until all my thoughts and emotions gets all jumbled up.

Where at one am I would start crying and ask questions by whispering them in midair

then at eight am I feel pathetic for even having such thoughts…

It happens to all of us though, we get some sort of calling, a reminder

that we are actually capable of feeling everything but at the same time become numb.

I guess it’s just a natural thing for us all,

to remind us that we’re alive and we all have the right to feel pain.

You’re Not Family

How is it that the person who was supposed to love you 

and protect you from the rest of the world,

end up being the one who would eventually stab you from the back and heart?

That person who was supposed to guide you

through your daily struggles,

whom not only exposed your deepest, darkest secret to everyone

but used them against you.

How can people be so cruel? How can they manage going through the thought

that they are slowly tearing someone apart?